SOS!!!!

I need your help. I am at a place mentally and emotionally where I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I am completely failing as a mother. I feel like - no, I know - that everyone that matters most in my life - Chris, Alyssa and Blakely - gets only second best from me, and I don't know how to fix it. HOW do moms and wives do it everyday? How do you fix the meals, do the dishes, get sleep, feed the baby, mop the floors, run errands, give the baths, go to the gym, do the laundry, bathe yourself, have time with God, read the stories, help your husband run a business, play Candy Land for the 100th time, make the beds, spend "quality time" with your hubby, teach the kids about God & His word, and get them to bed at a decent time...all while keeping yourself together and in one piece? I have to be honest, I'm an emotional wreck right now trying to figure this out and keep it all together. I'm not even sure Alyssa likes me much...she's much happier with her daddy...there are times I KNOW Chris doesn't like me - I don't blame them...I don't like myself very much these days either. Blakely's the only one who always has a smile on her face to see me...and I think that's only b/c I feed her!

But right now, Blakely is not my concern - Alyssa is. She is almost constantly crying, pouting, whining, disobeying or acting out. And for those of you who know her KNOW that isn't my baby. She tells me that she doesn't want me to put her to bed because she loves her daddy and not me. And then she cries her eyes out b/c I'm crying, and she knows that she has hurt my feelings. She throws fits and seems to constantly be frustrated by something. She's happy at school and church...I've double checked both places...the only other place she spends her time is home. I know her behavior is probably a combination of things...new baby sister, being 4 years old, a busy mom and dad, not getting enough rest...but, I can't help but think it's also b/c I'm screwing up somehow.

I know what my goals are as a wife and mother. (My goals for a wife are a totally different blog...) As a mom, I want, first and foremost, to teach my children a love and a hunger for God. While at the same time, teaching and showing them how completely in love God is with them. I want to teach by example the type of self confidence they should always have. I want them to learn how to unconditionally love and serve others by watching me. I know what I want to do for them...but how in the world does it ever get done, when I don't feel like I have enough time to even take a deep breath?

So, now...what I need from all of you (& anyone else you can get to read this!) I know not all of you are moms of 2 small girls...some of you aren't even moms yet at all. But you have moms...how do you do it? How did your moms do it? I know that there has to be some good advice out there on how to get what matters most done, when you're not able to slow down your life enough to get it all done. What do you do? What do you remember from growing up that you cherish? I'm NOT looking for pats on the back telling me what a great mother I am or for you to tell me not to be so hard on myself. My girls' futures depend on me and Chris, and we both know that what we're doing now isn't working...not like it's supposed to anyway...they deserve better. So I need advice...and the best place to get it is from other moms and daughters.

Thanks for your input, and thanks for letting me be open and share. I look forward to learning from you. And oh...if you don't feel like your answers being read by everyone, you can email me whitney.white@ltdteam.com